Getting my boss an exorcism for Christmas.

I think that it is safe to say that we all work, or have worked, at some point in our lives. (And if this does not apply to you… well, then on the behalf of the working class, fuck you. :D)  During our journeys through corporate America we are bound to encounter some rotten apples, right? Sometimes I wonder if I have just been handed an entire bag of rotten apples because I keep managing to find atrocious bosses, the kind that make you shutter and your skin crawl. I am talking about the kind of bosses that make you wonder ‘who the fuck let you instruct people?’, the kind that make Cruella De Ville look like a hopeless romantic and PETA activist. Yeah, that bad. Anyways, here are some warning signs that your boss might be the devil. (Or maybe just a colossal, condescending cunt.) If you find yourself agreeing to a lot of these warning signs and are looking for the perfect Christmas gift this year, I suggest looking into an exorcism.  

1.       If your boss strolls into work a little after nine and then hides in their office with the door shut, coming out to only remind you of all the super hard work they are getting done in there. (Playing Solitaire and checking your email is enough to work up a sweat. Really.)

2.       They hire you under specific terms and schedule arrangements and a few weeks later you find yourself doing an assortment of things you did not agree to do.

3.       If someone in your section quits and your boss refuses to hire anyone else. (And why should they when they can just pay one person and over work the dedicated employees they already have?)

4.       If your boss takes excessive vacations with their PTO (Paid Time Off) while declining every one of your requests because someone needs to do their job.

5.       If you call out sick and your boss gives you a guilt trip about having to stress over finding someone to cover your shift now, or heaven forbid has to cover it themselves.

6.       If your boss thinks working a part time job is more important than your education, your family or your kids.

7.       If your boss tries to write you to be ‘on call’, just in case it gets busy, when you are not a nurse or doctor.

8.       If your boss talks to you like a child or in the baby voice.

9.       If your paychecks come up short because they accidently forgot to put all of the hours you worked on your check. Whoops.

10.   If you have to show your boss how to do your job… or their job.

11.   If your boss texts you when you are off the clock asking you about work related things, to come in or just makes a general spelling/grammar error.

12.   If your boss complains about how much work they have to do and how you are interrupting it by asking questions.

13.   If your boss does not approve of socialization between coworkers. No one likes having friends or knowing the people they work with, after all.

14.   If your boss allows her kids, family or friends to utilize your place of employment without any sort of compensation or warning.

15.   If your boss insists that you work several turn around shifts and makes snide comments about how you have no right to be tired.

16.   If your boss makes stereotypical or racial comments in regards to customers, guests, or your fellow employees.

17.   If your boss bad mouths or spread gossip to you about your other coworkers.

18.   If they come and go as they please, allowing you the absolute pleasure of concluding their responsibilities.

19.   If your boss plays favorites and makes excuses for her, or her favorites’, short comings.

20.   If your boss pretends to be unavailable when to customer needs to complain and tells you that you can handle it.

21.   If your boss does not promote you to upper positions because you do not have the experience, but you are doing the job for her anyways.

22.   If your boss hires out instead of promoting seniority within the company.

23.   If your boss fake laughs.

24.   If your boss flaunts how much they make.

25.   If they do not pay bonuses or thank you for working holidays and overtime.

26.   If your boss hits on, or throws themselves at, one of your coworkers. (They think they’re being discrete, but let’s get real.)

27.   When your ninety day review and pay raise never comes. Ever.

28.   If your boss ‘forgets’ about your needed days off for doctors appointments, family functions or school obligations.

29.   When your boss takes what you just suggested, pauses, rewords it and says it like it was their idea.

30.   When your boss does or says something that embarrasses you.

31.   When your boss tries to correct you, but they’re wrong. Really, really wrong.

Dear employers, please think before you speak and please open a history book. Slavery was abolished a long time ago. We are working for you and will only perform to our best ability if you give us incentives, respect and pleasant working conditions. 

**Disclaimer: Pictures are from Google. I do not, in any shape or form, own them.